Dear Single Women
Marriage is more about someone else’ s dirty laundry and bathroom habits. It’s about not having a moment to yourself, and endless chores, and to-do lists, and picking up after someone else on a daily basis, and enforced friendships with other couples you despise with the intensity of a thousand Suns, and horrible in-laws with whom you are forced to spend all major holidays (and possibly a fair amount of your weekends), and having every waking moment and every expense you make, being accounted for.
Dear single women, screw what people say about you. If you can master that, you are good to go. Life is sweet, and there for the taking!
Marriage is often not about the great dress, the attention and the princess-for-a-day thing, the wedding extravaganza and certainty NOT the ever after. It’ s about the next day, the next month, the next decade. It’s about someone else’ s dirty laundry and bathroom habits.It’ s about scheduled, and occasionally “duty” sex, and more often than a married woman would care to admit, “bargain sex”(as in: “I will go for this unrequited sexual act that makes me want to smother you in your sleep, and you will come with me to my parents’ anniversary party and actually not start a fight with my father”– kind of manner) It’s about not having a moment to yourself, and endless chores, and to-do lists, and picking up after someone else on a daily basis, and enforced friendships with other couples you despise with the intensity of a thousand Suns, and horrible in-laws with whom you are forced to spend all major holidays (and possibly a fair amount of your weekends), and having every waking moment and every expense you make, being accounted for.And it’s about sharing your life with someone who thinks your home is a hotel with full, 24h room service, only difference, he gets to fuck the maid whenever the mood strikes, (HIS mood that is) because that is still pretty much what both parties sign for, the minute the guy bought a ring and the woman felt weak at the knees. And it’s about constant compromise, and bitter grievances and tiny, daily acts of revenge, and angry conversations you will have all on your own (usually while you are angry-folding clothes), and silences (and the granting, or withholding of sex) being used as weapons in fights that last for months, and the kind of murderous rage that both kills and feeds you.But mostly, it’ s about learning much too many details about someone you used to look up to. And this alone, can easily do you in.
It is, if you like, a bit like communism: one hell of a theory that was supposed to solve all the evils born out of social inequality, but which when put to practise proved to have been nothing but another form of dictatorship: instead of equality, it offered a new version of rulers and pariahs; instead of justice, it offered servitude; instead of eternal companionship, it felt like being exiled to Siberia until you die alone and desperate in the fucking snow.
To put it in other terms (because I get it, thousands of years of conditioning are not that easy to be reversed): remember that weird roommate you had at college who used to steal your Cds and your T-shirts, keeping you up at night with foul cooking smells, ungodly bathroom noises and ominous death metal songs about “The Beast”?Who used to copy your papers without asking, and when drunk, angrily making passes at you, and the next morning pretending it never happened? Remember how you were too scared to take them to Student Court, because God only knew how they would react, right? Plus they were on the lease, and all the apartments near camp were taken, and you were penniless, so you weren’t going anywhere either… And remember how the only thing that kept you going, was the thought that by the end of the semester you could get rid of them? Well sometimes being married feels like that, but the “semester” won’t end, unless one of you dies… Or in any case, unless lawyers and judges and priests (and possibly policemen) are ushered in, to help you end, or escape it…
All the above should sober you up, and snap you out of it! Probably not, though right? Yeah. I thought so. Because the message that comes from every direction at you, is loud and clear and relentless: you are not much as a human being unless a man says so. With a ring. Nothing about you – not your mind, your heart, your intelligence, your empathy, your talents, your abilities, your dreams, your ambitions, your successes, your knowledge, your experiences, your strength, your individuality, your humanity - is important (not really!) unless you win the ultimate prize: become someone’s (anyone’s really) little wife. Don’ t be sucked so easily into this lie is what I’m saying.Even though it is built on thousands of years of brainwashing (and reversing it would shake Patriarchy so hard, it would shutter it to pieces!)Don’t fall for it, even though laws, religions and pop culture alike, are to this day sustaining it and empowering it. Don’ t buy into the conspiracy theory that tells you that marriage is the “secret to your happiness”,your “true destiny”, the epitome of womanly “perfection” and the one thing that solves all problems and grants you the right to walk with your head held high. And also, don’ t be intimated into believing that everything to do with you, is somehow related to your husbandless state:
If you work hard, it’ s because you don’ t have a husband to support you, and never because you enjoy your work (and are perfectly capable of supporting our own self!)
If you succeed, it’ s because you have nothing else in your life anyway.
If you fail, it’ s because you don’ t have a husband to help you and guide you on your path. (Because husbands just love having successful wives don’t they?)
And if you find yourself in any sort of dangerous situation, it’ s because you don’ t have a husband to protect you. (Because no married woman was ever beaten, raped or murdered, right?)
If you have lots of friends and lots of interests, love reading, dancing, taking classes, learning new things, and you live a full life, it’s because you have a lot of time on your hands and are looking to fill your empty life.
If you love going out, or travelling, it’ s because you are looking for a husband.
If you love staying in, it’s because you are moping because you don’t have a husband. And it is also the reason why you don’t have a husband.